This interview touches on the longing for home and human connection. It’s a reality check for anyone who thinks that working abroad is easy.

Sheila has been in Bogotá, Columbia, for about seven months, working for the U.S. government. Before Bogotá, she worked in Nairobi, Frankfurt, and was briefly in Tokyo. Her work takes her to different countries, so she travels a lot within the region.

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Where is home for you?

I grew up near Chicago and spent summers in Wisconsin. I spent nearly 20 years in the Pacific Northwest. Home for me is the Pacific Northwest or northern Wisconsin or even Washington, DC.

Before applying for this job, I’d never even considered moving abroad. I don’t think I fully understood what I was getting into. But I went ahead and signed up, when I was 40.

I do feel like, a lot of the time I’m living abroad, I’m biding my time until I go home. I’m a nester. I love creating a home. Not everybody likes to be tied down by a house. I’m so envious of people who don’t have that need, but I need to be anchored. I like having something to go back to, so I do have property back in the States.

What’s your daily life like?

I travel a lot for work, but when I’m in town, my lifestyle is very routine. I normally work 9 to 10 hours a day plus commute. I enjoy my job, and especially the local staff I work with, but I don’t really socialize with people from work.

I really enjoy the low-key downtime in my house. I’m not going out salsa dancing every night; I’m  more likely making salad, hanging out with my dog, and going to sleep early.

How’s your Spanish?

I can get by in Spanish. My employer gave me some “diplomatic Spanish” lessons. I try to watch Spanish TV or English TV with Spanish subtitles.

When you’re younger and traveling, you have a lot of the same conversations over and over. Like where are you from, where have you traveled, what do you like to do for fun, that kind of thing. But as an adult, you have responsibilities, like managing a house. Here, I’m talking to the plumber or the dog sitter in Spanish, or explaining to the electrician that I want him to replace the electrical boxes. You don’t get that kind of language training and vocabulary in school.

What are some other challenges you’re facing now?

When I’m in the States, I have a lot of social connections and social anchors. What’s missing for me now is the soul connection. Here, I don’t have that go-to person to call up and say, “Hey let’s go out dancing!”

My trifecta for happiness is community, personal, and professional. It seems like I’ve been able to get two out of three, but not all. In Nairobi I had two: a great job and community. In Columbia, I have just one: a great job, but no community. Plus, my love life has taken a big hit!

I was delusional in thinking that living overseas would be how it was when I was younger. When you’re in your 50s and traveling for work, you’re wearing business clothes, you’re carrying your laptop. There are few instances of randomly meeting people like there were when I was traveling in my 20s with a backpack and staying in hostels.

I try not to look at my old life with rose-colored glasses. But my stay in Columbia has been very hard. Every day I think, “Why am I doing this?” I’m going to decide by December if I’m going to extend my stay. If I don’t get a better feel for the community, then I won’t extend my stay here. It’s not worth it; human connection is too important.

My feeling is, if it’s not working for you, it’s not a failure if you leave. If your needs are not being met, you should move on.

Here in Bogotá, it’s been an exceptionally hard time building a community. In Nairobi, I stepped off the plane and it happened for me socially. Finding some sort of informal network or getting involved in the community gets very difficult when you’re working all the time.

When I lived in DC, there was a bar not far from my home where I’d go have a drink; I’d usually meet someone to have a chat with. Here in Columbia, just going into a bar and starting a conversation with someone random, you don’t do that. (My 25-year-old colleagues might have a different perception.)

How have you tried to make connections with other people?

I do a lot of sports. I cycle, so I’ve met people through biking. I go on weekend bike rides when I’m out of the city. I’ve played ultimate frisbee in 25 counties, but for some reason getting into it here has been really difficult. Maybe because the communication is online and I haven’t figure out the digital communities yet.

My dog is a fat, brown Kenyan dog. Having a dog helps  with meeting people. People come up to me all the time; I’m constantly having conversations with people thanks to my dog.

I can’t say that all of my reaching out here has reaped rewards. In the expat community there are events, I find those to be challenging. When I tried to reach out to expats here, I got no responses. What helps is that there’s a new crop of people coming in at my work.

Here it’s easier to hang with locals, Columbian warm and friendly and awesome but still, people around our age have their families. They tend to do things in groups; Americans are more used to being alone.

Introverts are comfortable being alone, so if you’re introverted, you might be fine without a strong community around you. But  if you’re an extrovert, you might miss people more. As you’re thinking of moving abroad make sure you find a way to connect with people back home regularly. I spend a lot more time online here, connecting with people digitally.

It sounds tough. What are some things you like best about your life in Bogotá?

I’m grateful for the material benefits. I have financial security. I live in a beautiful apartment with 50 feet of windows facing the mountains.

I enjoy the warm Colombian people, and the weather that’s never too cold, never too hot.

The service industry is huge here. You can pretty much get anything delivered, which is key with the traffic here. I have household help. Having a housekeeper enables me to go to Pilates a few times as week without feeling guilty about leaving my dog.

What advice do you have for women who are thinking about moving abroad?

Don’t move abroad to escape.

Also, figure out what gives you the most happiest and make sure you have that in your life. Every time I go biking I’m really happy.

If you’re moving to a large city, make sure you live in a neighborhood where the things you like to do are available and easy to get to. When you’re younger, you have more energy to go out and be social on the off-chance that you meet someone you want to be friends with. Now you don’t always have the energy anymore to cross town after work. So make sure you’re living in the right area of town for your interests.

You have to get over any ageism. You might be hanging out with people in their 20s or people in their 60s. If it doesn’t already exist, the cooking club or the book club, be prepared to be the one who creates it.

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While Sheila’s current post is challenging, there are at least two mitigating factors: Because she works with other people, she’s in daily contact with others face-to-face. Also, her job gives her the option of transferring somewhere where she might have better luck building a social life.

This leads me to wonder how expats who work alone as freelancers and consultants manage to build thriving social lives. Watch this space….

So, dear reader:
Do you worry about being lonely abroad?
What are doing now to build your village?

 

This is the first of a series of expat interviews. I’ll be talking to a wide range of women in midlife who are living the expat life, asking them to share both the sublime and the hellacious sides of living abroad.

Not surprising that it took several tries to get Katt Tait on the phone. She’s not someone to stay still for long. When I caught up with her she was visiting friends and family in the States, taking in the sites at the Heidelberg Project in Detroit. More often, though, Katt can be found in western Europe. She’s performed in France, Switzerland (including the Montreux Jazz Festival), Portugal, Germany, Morocco, the U.K., Russia, Italy, and the Czech republic (I think I got them all). And she hopes to get to Korea and Vietnam in the near future.

The stereotypical global nomad is a millennial with a laptop and a remote job. Katt, however, is a seasoned woman who prefers face-to-face connections over digital ones, and whose life is centered around a dogged determination to pursue her art.

I thought this would be a conversation about travel, but it ended up being more about art and human connection, and the challenges and the joys of living a life that you want to live.

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So, Katt, how would you describe what you do?

I describe myself as a modern-day nomadic artist, an international artist. My mission is to spread joy through music around the world. That has come to include my other passions: theater and connecting with people (and connecting people with each other).

I make my living spreading joy. I can’t imagine that I will ever retire. I will always find a new way to express myself, to remind myself and others that life is precious and that life is to be lived!

Where’s home for you?

I really am at home wherever I am. People say home is where the heart is; well, my home is always with me. I’ve made little families everywhere I go. When I come, I create this sense of home and excitement and sharing. I bring a vibrance, an energy. I think people appreciate that because today a lot of people are feeling a bit stuck without realizing it.

As a nomad, community is everywhere I go. In those moments that I rest there, through the music and the art, a little community is created.

There are people who feel like life can only be lived a certain way. There are people who have told me that living the way I do is impossible, that I need to ensure my security. But I don’t believe in security; I just don’t believe that it exists.

I have a friend who lost all of her retirement savings when the market crashed in the early 2000s. Here she was 75, and she ended up having to still work. Everything that she thought was secure was not. That’s not to say you don’t plan and save — but to think that there is true security in that is false.

How and when did you start this nomadic journey?

I started the nomadic adventure in 2007. I was a radio personality at a jazz station in Seattle, plus I was singing and acting professionally. In 2004, I realized I’d been in radio for 10 years. I asked myself, “Do you want to do this for another 10 years?” The answer was no. I wasn’t sure how my artistic endeavors would support me. My job was great, but I was ready to pursue my art 100%. No more playing in the small pond.

When I told him, my older brother said, “Okay, but what’s your plan B?” I said, “My plan B is to work plan A!” I don’t have a plan B because I’m not going to fail. I fall all the time but I get up again.

So I moved to Los Angeles for a couple years, worked at a jazz station there, and continued performing. At one of my gigs, I met two musicians from Manchester, England, who invited me to play with them there. I bought my ticket. It was a round-trip ticket–but I did not plan to come back!

I only told two people, a very close friend and my brother. I didn’t want to hear anybody’s objections. Both told me to go for it. Never did I imagine where the path would lead me. I only knew it was time to pursue my dreams.

I was excited about Manchester, but as it turned out, things did not go as planned. So I wrote, sang my own songs for the first time, and contemplated my next move. When I got invited to work on a Shakespeare project, I went back to Seattle for the summer. I saved my money and bought another ticket! And I’ve been on the road ever since.

What are some of your favorite places? What do you like most about them?

Every place I’ve been, pretty much, is my favorite place. But Switzerland stands out because I have a surrogate family there. Our home is a beautiful vineyard. It’s been a family home for 100-plus years. It’s a special place. I love to be there and watch the passing of time through the changing of the seasons. The plants grow, and you feel very much connected to all that is. Plus, we have a great view of Lac Léman (Lake Geneva)!

I love Portugal, too. The people are awesome. The food is great. Besides, I love being anywhere close to the ocean. There’s a lot of music there, and great friends. I also feel very at home in Morocco, in the dust and the dirt. It’s colorful and eclectic, they have the best fruits and vegetables, and again it’s near the ocean. People I’ve met there understand that money isn’t the end all be all; they find happiness and joy despite their poverty.

What advice can you give to someone interested in moving abroad or becoming a nomad?

Ask yourself: Why do you want to move abroad? What’s your purpose? What do you hope to accomplish by being in another country? If you’re running away from something, it will be there wherever you go. If it’s to discover, then you’re on the right track.

You can change your path. You don’t have to continue in the same direction just because you started there. It’s harder now that we’re adults, with all of the constraints of all the stuff we’ve collected throughout the years.

So if you’re scared to make a big change, start with changing one simple thing every day. Change the way you drive to work; change what you eat for breakfast. That small change could trigger something in you that could illuminate or trigger something in you that moves you to make another change. So start small and then continue.

Also, don’t be afraid to do things in a new way. Think about the skills you have to share. What can you offer in exchange? Sometimes you can volunteer in exchange for housing; sometimes somebody might pay you in vegetables. Think creatively, and always be open enough to ask! Remember, it’s not always about opening your wallet and throwing money at a situation. Money doesn’t always help you make a personal connection or build bridges.

Tell me about your mission: To spread joy through music

People are meant to connect. Changing the world doesn’t have to be a grand swooping gesture. We can make the world a better place one connection at a time. If you just live your life for the moment, then people will remember you. That to me is enough because it’s energy that continues to uplift the world around you. That’s what I want my music to do: I want people to remember that we are awesome beings.

My one-woman performance, Black Magic: Songs Unchained, is about the power of black music, especially spirituals. It explores why we as black people have so much magic, how it reaches back to the slave experience. We have to celebrate that!

My current project, “Spontaneous Combustion,” is a live improvisational experience where I gather musicians, and we create music live in the moment. One instrument starts, another comes in, and before we know it we’re creating something special. Some of that has come to remind me of preaching. Sometimes the words and messages that come to me as I’m singing are about taking control of our lives, opening our minds; other times its fun things, sex — we gotta have that too!

Whatever the energy is in the air is what gives me those words. It’s a metaphor for life. When you’re available and open and willing to connect, anything is possible.

I know my readers have concerns about being lonely, but it seems like you meet people wherever you go.

It may have something to do with the way I was raised. Our house was always open. My parents helped so many people. And so many times now I have met people who have opened their homes to me.

They would say, “You’re always welcome here,” and mean it. You have to take people at their word. When people say they’re crazy, believe that they are crazy. When they say they love having you around, believe that they love having you around!

When I went to Paris, I knew no one and my money was very slim. After a few days of singing in jazz clubs, talking to people, I met one guy who offered his place for a couple of days. (No funny business; he slept on the couch.) And then I met a someone else who had a home big enough for two. I lived there for nearly nine months.

I always make sure I’m doing extra things without being asked. I try to think how I can  make their lives lighter in the moments that I’m there. I cook; I sing.

And I discovered that there was something I gave to the people I stayed with. They needed someone to hear them, compassion, and “spiritual uplift.” I’ve had people cry on me so hard from releasing their secrets, and their stories that they’d never told anyone. It’s happened to me everywhere. So I come to lift the vibrations with my music and my life philosophy.

Thoughts on “traveling while black”?

Sometimes I get asked if they like black people in this or that country. I tell them, “I don’t know whether or not they like ‘black people,’ but they might like you!”

The racism in the United States has really shaped our thinking. Your worldview as an American is not universal. That’s not to say that racism doesn’t exist other places, but we have to move into the world and believe that we’ll find our place in it.

What was one of your challenges?

In Barcelona, I was looking for clubs to take me in, but I couldn’t find the vibe for me. So I thought, well maybe I should sing on the street like I saw so many other people doing. My perception of street musicians was that it’s not a real musician; it’s just someone who needs money. But I learned that that is so not true. I met so many people who were using the street for different purposes, to hone their craft.

I was really afraid to do it, scared out of my skin. But I looked back at my mission and said, “Do you want to spread joy through music or not?”

So I did it. I went to a quiet little corner on a street where I thought no one would see me, and I sang a jazz standard. But then a couple came around the corner and told me it was beautiful — and I ran off!

Then in Paris, I was singing in nightclubs, but they didn’t want to pay me for my music. I kept resisting singing on the street, but then I would remind myself of my mission! I knew that I could reach more people singing on the street than in a club.

So I found a spot that had an overhang and great acoustics. I put down a little bag and sang for about an hour or a little more. I did it more and more, and used that time to practice my chops, send out good vibrations, and put money in my pocket. I’d make more money singing on the street like that than some of the guys I met who were playing in the clubs.

Any advice for women want to take the leap — either by pursuing their art, or moving abroad, or both — who are getting resistance, either internally or from other people?

Be clear on your mission. When you have a mission, when you know what your objective is, you don’t let anything stop you. You just have to try even if you fall on your face. Keep doing it and keep talking to people about what you’re trying to do.

It’s good to talk about your dream, but you have to be careful about who you share your dream with! Some people will tell you to put your dream in a box. So you have to choose with whom you’re really going to share your passion.

With some people, you just skim the surface; you don’t give them an opportunity to put negative thoughts in your head. But others, the right people, they can help you expand on your idea, or give you advice about how to get started.

It’s good to have people in your life who are good listeners, people who know you, who have skills that can help you. When you give the right people the opportunity to put energy behind what you want to do, the results can be really surprising.

Where to find Katt

Facebook | YouTube | Reverb Nation | Soundcloud | @experiencekatt | Blogspot

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So, dear reader:
what does home mean to you?
What questions do you have for Katt?